When someone we care about dies, whether the death is expected or unexpected; we find ourselves unprepared for what steps need to be taken. Following are some guidelines to follow when a loved one dies. We have included suggestions on helping a grieving friend.

General Guidelines

When someone dies, regardless of the time or place, call Grace Manor Funeral Home at 918-647-3000. We have someone available 24 hours a day to answer all calls. We will help answer any questions you may have and give advice on what steps need to be taken.

The name of the deceased, the place of death, your name and relationship to the deceased, and a phone number where you can be reached.

We will set up an appointment time with you that is convenient for you and family members to either come to the funeral home or have us come to your home to discuss the funeral arrangements.

What To Do In the Event of a Death

• Death at Home
  When someone dies at home and was not a Hospice patient you must notify the local Police Department. The Police Departments have to be called in order to make out a report for the Medical Examiner or Coroner.
• Death of a Person on Hospice
  When a person dies at home and is a Hospice Patient, the family may call Grace Manor Funeral Home and the Hospice Nurse, or wait for the Hospice Nurse to arrive and then call Grace Manor Funeral Home. The Hospice Nurse needs to pronounce the person. The Police and Fire Departments do not need to be notified.
• Death in a Hospital
  When someone dies in the Emergency Room or was a patient in the hospital, it is wise to call Grace Manor Funeral Home. Some healthcare facilities will call on behalf of the family but many times it is the responsibility of the family to notify Grace Manor Funeral Home.
• Death in a Nursing Home
  Call Grace Manor Funeral Home and we will make arrangements with the Nursing Home to transport the deceased to the funeral home. If you are not at the nursing home at the time of death, leave instructions with the Nursing Home to call Grace Manor Funeral Home in the event of death.
• Death Out-Of-State
  When a person dies outside of Oklahoma, call Grace Manor Funeral Home first and we will make arrangements to have your loved one transported back to Oklahoma for the funeral services. Only one call to Grace Manor Funeral Home is needed. We will handle all the details for transportation.

For the Arrangement Conference

Information Needed

• Full Name and Middle Initial of the Deceased
• Date and Place of Birth
• Social Security Number
• Number of Years of Education
• Military Record
• Marital Status
• Father’s Name
• Mother’s Maiden Name

Personal Items Needed

• A Recent Photograph (preferably within the last 2 years)
• Glasses (if you would like them to be worn)
• Clothes for deceased to wear, include underwear for men and undergarments for women
• Stockings, or socks and/or booties (shoes are optional)
• Jewelry, service pins, medals, etc.
• Religious items (rosary etc.)
• Favorite perfume or cologne
• Please note: If these items are not available, it is not necessary that you bring these to the funeral home for the arrangement conference. All these items can be brought at a later time.

Obituary-Death Notice

For the newspapers, we will gather information regarding family members to be listed in the death notice. We will need; spouse’s name (including maiden), children, grandchildren, siblings, organizations and clubs deceased belonged to, school and military information, professional employment history, years of residence and name of hometown.

Consider if you would like memorial gifts designated to a particular church, Hospice, library, school, charity or organization.

Tasks to be Completed

When a spouse, family member or close friend dies, you may find yourself unexpectedly responsible for taking care of his or her final personal and business matters. Listed are some of the tasks that need to be done.

• People Who Need To Be Notified
• The Physician (depending on where the death occurred)
• The Clergy Person
• All the Relatives
• Friends
• Employers (about life insurance and pension fund benefits, accrued vacation and sick pay, disability income and credit union balances.)
• Employees
• Landlord (If deceased was living alone)
• Insurance Agents
• Executor of Estate
• Attorney
• Accountant regarding such matters as recording property deeds and the disposition of stocks, bonds and savings
• Unions, Fraternal Organizations and Professional Clubs

Decisions To Be Made Regarding

• Type of funeral service
• Date and time of funeral
• Casket
• A cemetery lot
• A memorial marker
• Vault or outer burial container
• Clothing
• Flowers
• Music
• Site for service i.e. church or funeral chapel
• Time of visitation and service
• Persons to participate at the funeral service
• Prayer cards/memorial folders/thank you notes
• Prayers and songs for service
• Site for luncheon after funeral

Things That Need To Be Done

• Locate important papers including contents of safe deposit boxes, business agreements, bankbooks, securities, certificates, real estate deeds, wills, recent income tax returns, W-2 forms, Social Security number, marriage and birth certificates, military discharge papers, automobile registration and installment payment books.
• Gather current bills
• Answer sympathy calls and messages
• Greet friends and relative who call
• Provide lodging for rout-of-town guests

We At Grace Manor Funeral Home Will

• Prepare and File the Social Security Form SSA 721
• Assist with Filing Insurance Claim Forms
• If applicable: Prepare and File for Veteran Insurance, Flag, Headstone and any Veteran Benefits. We will need Veteran's DD214 form from you.

Helping A Friend In Need

A person who is grieving the loss of a loved one is a friend in need of your caring and understanding. Listed are some suggestions on what you can do to help.

Attend the funeral of your friend’s loved one. Being at the funeral emphasizes to your friend that your friendship is important and you will be there for them to call on.

Offer to listen. Tell the bereaved person, “I can’t relate to what you’re going through, but if you want to talk, I’m here to listen.” Someone who is grieving needs to talk about his or her emotions.

Don’t tell him or her to “Get over it” or explain how “death is a part of life.” People differ in the amount of time it takes to overcome a loss. There is a fine line between being supportive and being insensitive. Let the person know you are there to support them, not judge. Survivors need to talk about their loved ones for months, sometimes years. Healing is not an overnight process.

It’s okay to cry.

Laughter heals. One of the most important things you can do is to help your friend focus on the good memories and fun times that live on.

A hug or squeeze of the hand goes a long way toward providing lasting comfort.

Send a letter recalling all the great times you have shared together.

Make a memorial contribution to their favorite charity.

Stay in touch. Call them often on the phone and let them know you have not forgotten them.

Be the friend you were before. Take over a meal. Invite your friend to your home. Go out to lunch, dinner or shopping. Offer to take the kids for a night. See a movie together.

Don’t wait to be asked. Show that you care in whatever way is comfortable for you. This is what friendship is all about.

Anticipated Death

At this time many families will choose to make arrangements in advance. This saves the family from having to answer many needed questions at a time of their loss and helps them to make much wiser and personal decisions regarding the service desired. For more information visit our preneed page.